As I sit...

As I sit and listen to this Jill Scott CD, I realize more and more, that my heart is truly reflecting the light of the sun. I am understanding more and more that this thing here, that I have been feeling, is more than you can imagine. The emotion described to you by our mutual friend could never even begin to scratch the surface of how I feel. I carry a part of you with me everyday. When I try to escape it, it's there. When I try to walk away, you grab my hand. When I feel like I am finally getting you off my mind, you text or call. 


Can I escape this thing that you don't describe or even recognize as chemistry, fate or dare I say "love"? I never knew this type of emotion that would carry me from day to day, without my feet ever touching the ground. It amazes me as to how, no one compares to you, even when I am not comparing!   For this I thank you, because a part of me is growing up and recognizing that every man is not be examined and every emotion felt is not to be explored. But, why can't I let you go?


I know, it's because subconsciously you play the strings in my mind, like BB King plays "Lucille". Each tug and pull, just makes me feel like I must be there for you, protect your heart from another woman's hurt and even be that strong friend that you need to help you reason. But where is the satisfaction and care for SEANDRA?? She gets nothing from this deal, but open wounds that cannot truly heal. I have analyzed, as I sit, that my wounds are closing. I feel a little stronger everyday, just by the little things that make me see, that I have to do what I have to do to make me satisfied and loved. So if it hurts you, then let it hurt you. The pain from closing this wound, will end with a well worn scar. One that is never to be opened again, but making room for another battle.


As I sit... (more to come)